Finding Your Chosen Family in Asheville (It Takes About a Year, But Worth It)
Three days discovering where the gays actually hang out (spoiler: volleyball courts)
Dylan's Real Voice
The Hook:
"Dating in Asheville feels like everyone's already been on a date with everyone, or they all met at Highland Brewing during a volleyball match."
Personal Story:
When I moved here from Boston - married, then divorced, then single in Asheville - I thought finding gay community would be instant. It wasn't. It took about a year to find my people, but once I found that one connection at volleyball, everything clicked. Now I have the gay friends I never had growing up. I can wear my feminine necklaces to the office, play sports with a mixed crowd, and nobody bats an eye.
Why This Matters:
Here's what's different about being gay in Asheville: it's not the center of everything, it's just naturally woven into the city. You'll find us at climbing gyms, volleyball courts, trivia nights. It's not flashy, it's just there. And that's what makes it feel like home.
☕ Every planning session for this involved a cortado at Rowan's gay corner (unofficial but we all know)
Your Weekend Schedule
Getting Your Gay Bearings
Dylan's routine: Start where I start every day - good coffee and observing the local gays in their natural habitat
Rowan Coffee
✓ Dylan's been hereMorning coffee at the unofficial gay corner
Dylan says:
"We don't have a gayborhood, but Rowan's corner table in West Asheville? That's where you'll spot other gays. It's not official, we just all somehow end up there."
Frequency: Weekly minimum
Insider Tip: Weekend mornings are peak gay coffee time
West Asheville Walk
✓ Dylan's been hereCount the pride flags and explore the queerest neighborhood
Dylan says:
"West Asheville has the highest concentration of pride flags per capita in Western NC. I lived here first and could walk everywhere. This is where you'll feel it most."
Frequency: Lived here, still here weekly
Insider Tip: Odds Cafe for lunch - super queer friendly, great food
Firestorm Books
Collective bookstore with community boards
Dylan says:
"Check their event calendar - they host queer events. The community board is how people actually find roommates, events, connections."
Frequency: Monthly for events
Insider Tip: Third Thursday is often queer book club
Carrier Park
✓ Dylan's been hereWhere the gays actually hang out
Dylan says:
"This is where the volleyball crowd pregames, where we have picnics, where dogs meet other dogs. It's not labeled 'gay' but trust me, we're here."
Frequency: Weekly in summer
Insider Tip: Sunset by the river is gorgeous
Banks Ave Bar
Monthly queer dance parties
Dylan says:
"Check their calendar - they do queer dance parties, tea dances, all kinds of community events. Not exclusively gay but very intentionally inclusive."
Frequency: Monthly for events
Insider Tip: Follow their Instagram for event announcements
O.Henry's
NC's oldest gay bar - since 1976
Dylan says:
"It's tiny, it's divey, it's been here forever. The Underground dance floor in back gets packed. Saturday drag shows at 11:30pm."
Frequency: Occasionally
Insider Tip: Wednesday and Friday karaoke if that's your thing
Finding Your People Through Activities
Dylan's routine: This is how I actually met my community - through doing things, not just bar hopping
RAD Greenway Run/Walk
✓ Dylan's been hereJoin the morning fitness crowd
Dylan says:
"I run here every morning at 5:30am. Later on weekends you'll see the gay running groups. We nod, we wave, we recognize each other."
Frequency: Daily
Insider Tip: Summit Coffee truck after for the social part
West Asheville Tailgate Market
✓ Dylan's been hereSaturday morning community gathering
Dylan says:
"Half of West Asheville is here on Saturdays. You'll see everyone. Great for meeting neighbors if you're moving here."
Frequency: Monthly
Insider Tip: Get there early - it gets packed
All Day Darling
✓ Dylan's been hereLunch at a queer-friendly spot
Dylan says:
"This is where I take clients. Very queer friendly, great food, you can be yourself here. The whole restaurant culture here is accepting."
Frequency: Weekly with clients
Insider Tip: Bar seats for solo diners are welcoming
Highland Brewing
✓ Dylan's been hereVolleyball courts - where community happens
Dylan says:
"This changed my life here. I found my entire friend group through volleyball. Saturday pickup games, Tuesday night leagues. It's not advertised as gay but might as well be. This is where I met everyone."
Frequency: 2-3 times per week
Insider Tip: Just show up and ask to play - people are welcoming
Scandals Nightclub
The main gay dance bar
Dylan says:
"This is where you end up after volleyball. It's the main gay bar for dancing. Drag shows, themed nights. Where everyone knows everyone."
Frequency: After volleyball usually
Insider Tip: Gets busy after 11pm
Settling Into Community Life
Dylan's routine: Sundays are chill here - recovery from Saturday, preparing for the week
Dripolator Coffee
✓ Dylan's been hereQuiet Sunday morning spot
Dylan says:
"My Saturday decompression spot after long runs. Quieter than other places, good for actually talking to people."
Frequency: Weekend mornings
Insider Tip: Great for first coffee dates - not too scene-y
Flour Bakery
✓ Dylan's been hereSunday brunch spot
Dylan says:
"New spot in the S&W Building. The biscuits are lit. Young chefs, approachable vibe, very queer friendly. This is my post-volleyball Saturday spot but great for Sunday too."
Frequency: Weekly after volleyball
Insider Tip: The breakfast sandwiches are to die for
Blue Ridge Pride Resource Center
Post-Helene: unknownCommunity resources and connections
Dylan says:
"If you're new, stop by. They have all the real information about groups, events, resources. Not touristy, actual community help."
Insider Tip: Check their calendar for support groups and social events
Banks Ave Tea Dance
Sunday afternoon community gathering
Dylan says:
"Some Sundays they do tea dances 4-7pm. Early evening social thing. More chill than night parties."
Frequency: Occasionally
Insider Tip: Check their Instagram for dates
Dylan's Must-Do List
- Tuesday night volleyball at Highland - this is where you'll actually meet people
- West Asheville pride flag counting walk - it's affirming
- Rowan Coffee gay corner table - unofficial but real
- One night at Scandals - you have to at least once
- Carrier Park sunset - where the gays actually relax
- Banks Ave events - check their calendar
Reality Check
- It takes time to find your people - took me a year
- Dating pool is small - everyone knows everyone
- The scene isn't huge or flashy - it's comfortable
- You'll see the same people everywhere - that's actually nice
- Volleyball changed everything for me - find your thing
- It's more about chosen family than hookup culture
- You can be obviously gay anywhere here - that's the real gift
Where to Stay
Most visibly queer neighborhood. I lived here first - walkable, pride flags everywhere, felt immediately comfortable.
Established gay community, beautiful houses, quieter than West Asheville but still very accepting.
Getting Around
- • West Asheville is walkable
- • Uber to bars
- • Highland Brewing needs a car
Photo Ops
Want This Itinerary + Updates?
Get this itinerary as a PDF, plus monthly updates on what's new in Asheville and insider tips I don't share publicly.
Get the Gay Asheville Guide
Real talk about LGBTQ+ life, neighborhoods, and making friends in Asheville.
No spam, just insider tips from a local. Unsubscribe anytime.
Ready to Make Asheville Home?
Loved this itinerary? Imagine living here. I help LGBTQ+ folks and allies find their perfect Asheville home every day. No pressure, just honest advice from someone who's been in your shoes.
Or just have questions? Reach out anytime - I love talking about Asheville.