Where I Take My Out-of-Town Gay Friends
The actual itinerary based on three years of hosting every type of gay
Currently texting from Haywood Famous because another friend just announced they're visiting
Look, I've had every type of gay friend visit Asheville. The party gays who think 2am is early. The introvert gays who brought their Switch. The couple gays who want "romantic but not cheesy." The sober gays who are over the bar scene. After three years and roughly 47 visitors (I stopped counting), I've got this down to a science.
Here's what actually happens when you text me "I'm coming to visit!"
First: The Interrogation
Before you even book that flight, I need to know:
What kind of gay are you this weekend?
- Adventure gay (will hike in inappropriate footwear)
- City gay (needs coffee every 2 hours)
- Party gay (pregaming the pregame)
- Chill gay (wants to read in pretty places)
- Foodie gay (already has reservations)
What's your actual budget? Because Asheville can be done cheap or bougie:
- Coffee: $4-5.50 minimum for my cortado
- Breakfast/Lunch: $15-25 realistic
- Dinner: $35-50 per person (before drinks)
- Cocktails: $12-17 (yes, even the mocktails)
How much nature is too much nature?
- "I own hiking boots" vs "I own hiking boots from REI that I've never worn"
- "I love waterfalls" vs "I love waterfalls I can see from my car"
The Party Gay Itinerary
For my friends who consider 11pm "getting started"
Friday Night: 4pm: Pick you up, straight to Haywood Famous for cortado fortification 6pm: Drop bags, immediately to Luminosa rooftop for sunset views 8pm: Dinner at Anoche (gay-friendly tequila haven) 10pm: Red Velvet Society for fancy cocktails in a speakeasy Midnight: Banks Ave for the drag show 2am: Regret tomorrow's hike plans
Saturday: 11am: Struggle to Farewell for lifesaving coffee Noon: Easy hike at Graveyard Fields (I'll carry the water) 3pm: Shakeys for pizza and hair of the dog 5pm: Nap time at my place (no shame) 8pm: Rally for dinner at Strada 10pm: "Just one drink" at Leo's House of Thirst Midnight: We're somehow at Banks again
Sunday: All Day Darling for brunch if we make it before noon Otherwise, coffee and shame
The Introvert Gay Itinerary
For my friends who need a reservation for everything
Friday Night: 4pm: Gentle arrival, tea at Dobra Tea East Asheville 6pm: Quiet dinner at Filo (East Asheville location) 8pm: Walk around quiet neighborhood with Wesley 9pm: Actually go to bed
Saturday: 8am: Haywood Famous for cortado and people watching 10am: River Arts District gallery hop (The Radical just opened!) Noon: Lunch and board games at Well Played 3pm: Fine Arts Theater for whatever's showing 6pm: Early dinner at Curate (I made reservations weeks ago) 9pm: Nightcap at home, in bed by 10
Sunday: Asheville Community Yoga LGBTQ+ class Forage for plants you'll kill Malaprop's for books you'll actually read
The Couple Gay Itinerary
For my friends who want romantic but won't admit it
Friday Night: Sunset picnic on the Blue Ridge Parkway (I'll pack everything) Late dinner at Luminosa (the lighting is perfect)
Saturday: Morning at Sauna House (2-hour couples session) Afternoon wine at Cultivate Climbing when they open the new spot Dinner at Benne on Eagle
Sunday: Couples massage somewhere expensive Send them home relaxed and slightly broke
The "I've Been Here Before" Itinerary
First visit? We do Asheville 101. Second visit? Now we're going deep.
The Upgrade Spots:
- Skip downtown, go to Brevard (45 min, worth it)
- Skip Looking Glass Falls, do Cedar Rock Falls
- Skip O.Henry's, go to house party (you'll get invited)
- Skip Biltmore, do Black Mountain downtown
- Skip big breweries, hit DISSOLVR downtown
The Wesley Integration
Yes, my dog is part of your visit. Deal with it.
Wesley-Approved Agenda:
- Morning walks at Carrier Park
- Lunch at any brewery (he's a regular)
- Hikes where he can swim (Catawba Falls)
- Archetype West Asheville (dog paradise)
- Home for his dinner at 6pm sharp
The Money Reality Check
Let's be honest about costs:
Cheap Day ($50):
- Coffee at home
- Hike (free)
- Picnic lunch ($15)
- Brewery beers ($20)
- Cook dinner together ($15)
Medium Day ($150):
- Coffee out ($10)
- Brunch ($30)
- Activity like climbing ($25)
- Dinner with drinks ($75)
- Uber because we're lazy ($10)
Bougie Day ($300+):
- Breakfast at Flour ($30)
- Spa/Sauna House ($75)
- Lunch with cocktails ($50)
- Shopping damage ($???)
- Dinner at Cucina 24 ($100+)
- Cocktail crawl ($50+)
The Seasonal Adjustments
January Visits: Everything needs heaters. We're patio hunting at:
- Hemingway's (covered, heated, views)
- Luminosa (inside but feels outside)
- Anywhere with fireplaces
July Visits: Everything needs AC or water:
- River activities all day
- Only patios after dark
- Ice cream is a food group
October Visits: You're competing with 40,000 leaf tourists:
- Reservations mandatory
- Parkway at sunrise only
- Avoiding downtown entirely
The Non-Negotiables
No matter who visits, these always happen:
- Coffee Education: You're learning about cortados at Haywood Famous
- One Hike: Even if it's just walking the RAD greenway
- Sunset Somewhere: Parkway, rooftop, doesn't matter
- My Dinner Spot: Currently Luminosa (changes seasonally)
- The Mini Potluck: Saturday night at my place with local friends
The Avoid List
I love you but we're not going to:
- Tupelo Honey (unless your mom insists)
- The Lobster Trap (just... no)
- Twisted Laurel (tourist central)
- Pack's Tavern (unless you need basic)
- Anything that requires waiting 2 hours
The Secret Sauce
Here's what makes visits actually work:
Downtown Days: Yes, it's touristy. But you can walk everywhere, pop in and out, and there's always something open. It's the easy button when you don't want 45 minutes of driving to trails.
The Gay Reality: Downtown Asheville doesn't have a spot that ISN'T gay-friendly. Half the staff everywhere is LGBTQ+. Different spots have different vibes, but you literally cannot make a mistake.
The Backup Plans:
- Rain? Fine Arts Theater and Well Played
- Tired? Dobra Tea and chill
- Hungry? Baby Bull never disappoints
- Bored? Volleyball pickup at Highland (Fri/Sat 5-10pm, $5)
The Real Talk
After your visit, one of three things happens:
- You immediately start looking at Zillow (dangerous)
- You plan your next visit for a different season
- You realize small town life isn't for you (valid)
All reactions are correct.
The Invitation
Seriously though - if you're coming to visit, just tell me:
- Your actual energy level (not your Instagram energy)
- Your real budget (I won't judge)
- If you actually want to hike or just say you do
- Whether you're trying to meet locals or just hang with me
I've got an itinerary for every type of gay. Yes, even you, the one who just wants to read in coffee shops and pet Wesley. That's valid too.
Hit me up. First round of cortados is on me. (They're $5.50 at Haywood Famous but worth it.)
Dylan hosts approximately one visitor per month and has gotten very good at the airport run. Wesley has met more out-of-town gays than most dating apps. Find them at GayAsheville.com or at Haywood Famous planning someone's visit.